For 10 years now, I have worked the HARDEST job of my life....motherhood. Nursing school was CAKE compared to life as a mom. Sure I didn't have to go to class, study books, take tests, and pass a hands on program, but I sort of wished I had all of this to help guide me. :)
When I was 23, I had my first daughter. Hailey was a strong willed and difficult baby and sure gave me a run for it as a new mom. She was colicky for 3 months and screamed from 5pm until she would finally wear herself out. After that, I'm surprised I wanted another. It was such a hard road as a new parent and I had MANY times where I would just cry or scream in my pillow. My poor mom had to guide me through this time as a new mom and I am so thankful she was there with me.
At 25, I welcomed Avery Lane. She was the total opposite. She was easy to get into a routine and was very laid back. After she was born, I desired even more to stay at home full time. I had quit my job in Florida when we moved to Tennessee (at 8 months prego) and didn't really have a need for a second job. Unfortunately, I didn't have a "choice" in my current situation and was back working at Johnson City Medical Center 3-4 days a week while the girls were in daycare right next to the hospital. Of course, it was a great plan since they were so close, but I just really wanted to be mom and not leave them for the long shifts with someone else.
Then, my life took a drastic turn. I went from married mom of two to a single mom. I went from the blanket of security to diving into the scary unknown. Not only did I desperately NEED a good job, but now I depended on it. I moved out to the mountains of NC, but had a really hard time finding work. I would pick up whatever nursing job I could find. Still through it all, I longed for a break. I wanted to be home with my girls.
As time passed, I later found myself falling in love again. Steve and I had so much in common. Both parents of 2 kids with the same "story" of brokenness. After merging from a family of 3 to 6, once again I was reminded that my dreams of staying home were slim to none. After going through loss of jobs, unemployment, and major health crisis, I was glad to have a good nursing job to hold us up through it.
A few years went by and we added onto our family and became the "Yours, Mine, and Ours" family. Levi was born in May 2012. After a few months, it was time to return to work. By this time, I worked from home, but still had a set schedule, time clock, and set breaks. Even though it was the best job and I got to be home, it just wasn't the same. I had to continually push my kids aside to be on the phone or computer. I couldn't have "interruptions" on my work time.
One day, a few months ago, my hubby came home. He said with a very serious voice "we need to talk." (Men don't ever do that to your wife) He said he felt like God was telling him it's time for me to stay home full time. Believe me, I was so excited, but scared to death at the same time. After all, we had a family now of 7!!! The amount of medical debt was growing rapidly and the bills were coming in. BUT... I knew that if God was behind this then it would all work out.
So, I gave my 2 week notice and started my life at home. I had a small side business that had grown through health coaching which I really enjoyed. So, I would work that business in the early morning hours before anyone would get up and late at night when they would sleep. I had all of these dreams of what stay at home life would be like. Clean house, laundry done, dishes done, meals planned, etc... little did I know that a 2 1/2 year old little boy needed my complete and undivided attention at all times.
When he gets his nap, I have to work quickly to try to get as much done as possible, but honestly some days I am so exhausted from chasing him that I just take a nap right with him! I don't know how people do it with daycares or multiple small children. My older 4 kids are 8, 10, 11, and 14 so they are super independent.
Why am I saying all of this? Because I want moms to know that it is OK that we don't have it all together. I don't need to be a perfect mom. I want my kids to know they are loved. I want to make sure I am helping provide the best for them that we can. I want them to know how to grow in their walk with the Lord first and foremost.
We all fail.
We all fall short.
But, I can say that this has been by far the best decision for my family. Whether you work or stay at home... both are super important. There are all types of moms. This is just what we felt was right for our crew. Don't beat yourself up over what's not getting done. Take the time to implement life long lessons. Tell them how much you love them. Guide by example. Be the best mom you can be!
